Live high!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let us down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when someone broke yours. You'll fight with your best friend and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually loose someone close to you. So take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is another minute of happiness you'll never get back!

Sleep running through my veins!

Here I am again...sleepless in DTM Airport. To be honest being bored to death wasn't my initial plan for ending this life, but let's say I have to settle with it for now! 6 o'clock in the morning and the second sleepless night in a row. I wonder what Carrie Bradshaw would do in my place, probably the same thing, writing as the only solution for total boredom, or blogging how we like to call it in our way too advanced 21 technological century.
Today I've been sad, yesterday too...it is really not nice to see people go, it is even worse when they suddenly became your friends after just a few months spent together. One might say (or already did)...I am incurable, I get emotionally attached to people against my will, and this might sound cheesy or might make me look bad, but to be honest some of them will be there in the back of my mind for a life time. I had one of my best months with all of you and times not easy to forget. But let's go back now to the real life...25 minutes till the check-in and then walking through the gate which takes me back to what I've been until 4 months ago...because as we all know...what happens in Osnabrueck, stays in Osnabrueck as one of the finest memories of our student life.

Ready and out!
See you next semester (or at least some of you)

What if prince charming had never showed up? Would snow white have slept in the glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health care package and a baby from her local sperm bank?

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.

From the series "Another shitty day"

Good morning everyone...it is 23.15 and I am starting to feel alive for today. After a really long but also tiring sleep I woke up at 3 o'clock just to meet one of my new friends. If you are now wondering who she is, well find out now that her middle name is hangover and usually comes with the combination of vodka, wine, beer and a few tequilas. Well I am really wondering how did I get from one of the best parties, teleported in this world that now seems too real, the world called my life (outside from osnabrueck). I am really sick of the phrase: "I got a message a few days ago, telling me nxvxvxvxvxvx about you"! If u wonder now what the strange code nxnxnxnxnxnx means...just know that it is always something bad that u don't want ur parents/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend or any other person u care about to know. I have to say now that I do not regret anything, no matter how big a mistake it was...but sometimes I wonder...there are so many roads, so many detours, so many choices...how do we know if we made a mistake? Or how do we convince those people that I was talking about earlier, that even if we have hurt them or their feelings it was not an intended mistake, it was an experience we had to have? Well...that's a question I will have to answer before I go home!!!
Well they say life is what happens to you while to busy making other plans! That might just be it, but i am not willing to let mine just pass by, as a short movie with no subtitles! I simply refuse to do that!

Star Dust

It seems as if I am hearing choirs from afar, in a faraway land of the soul and of the universe! It is the second that tells the thought to speak, to break the silence listening to him, the accursed second belonging to the witch from the North, the witch called fate. I can still feel your steps running on my temples, the steps of the white light coming from among my tears, in a rhythmical minuet…and so I have stopped with my eyes wide open toward the horizons, looking for answers `in the eyes of the stars and through a free spirited harmony we became the children of that moment in the night with a new moon, sleeplessness and tenuous feelings. In the long but so lightened night and awake, a thick smoke seems to weigh like a venomous shadow over me, griming moon’s pure, angelic glow…the times go by lucent and thoughts appear and vanish in an deviant disorder, like in a tumble. The rain started dancing infinitely, creating the perfect couple with my own sour tears…the couple, that “us” belonging to the infinite, to the absolute. But what means absolute?...it is everything or nothing, and we are not even able to define the everything, not to say the nothingness…but they are the infinite, we were the infinite and the love will always be…the darkness in my soul is Earth’s longest night, and the moon that had risen in the others would have had the space to play here, to dance and to sing and my thought that was now entering the wonder of a second did not conceive the destiny the next second would have. On the streets we once strolled along are now walking step by step the sign of the infinite, neighboring the moon, the sun and all the zodiac signs and the world that we once knew estranges itself from us, slowly, with its sounds and voices, going towards disappointment and memories, like another life left behind beyond death. I am a strange mosaic of sleep with my eyes open, and of dream with closed eyes, of sleep and sleeplessness, of outbursts of living in the future – in a future bearing the black’s tulip color – of fears that were one time vanquished and many times triumphant, but all exiled by a strong heart beat that has not yet forgotten its past.

Mañana

Podemos pensar que todo lo que la vida nos ofrece mañana es repetir lo que hicimos ayer y hoy. Pero si ponemos atención, nos daremos cuenta de que ningún día es igual a otro.
Cada mañana nos trae una bendición escondida, una bendición que solo sirve para este día, y que no puede ser ni guardada ni desaprovechada. Si no usamos ese milagro hoy, se perderá.

The ballad of a dream

Under the violet sky crowded by savaging birds
She was running as if hypnotized
Between moaning monks and chattering children
Trying to find her way to her lost soul
To that light shouting form the end of the road
A frozen moment in a burning noon – that was she.
Stone walls were surrounding her,
Messengers shouting chants and rituals from afar,
Children painting her dreams on canvas
Magnolias from Mozambic spreading their sents in the black-walled room.
Inspiration of the song of drums,
And of the far-away sad whispering sea
All gathered silently to take her to a new place
Where the bazaar of sentiments could be forgotten,
Where no one can touch crystal dreams,
Where nobody would shatter rainbow childhood memories,
Where sky meets sea,
And where her senses would be assaulted by lilac cent and jasmine flowers,
Where doves sleep in her hands so her soul can rest in their flight to the skies,
Where peace and quiet cast a shadow over chaotic and abnormal;
But the bazaar of sentiments suddenly became the hectic place where she was,
Like falling from the sunless moon,
She landed in the sunny, amber noon.
Holy men talking to serpents in a long-forgotten language,
People to children were savage.
Fires were burning and seeds were roasted,
Pink scarf and rainbow-like “shalvars” were dancing in the wind
As ensigns of a secret, ancient culture.
Burning charcoals and cent of hashish mingled in an erotic inspiration,
A silent chaos was surrounding her,
Her dreams, her feelings
As she could now see the cracks in the walls
And the cracks in her souls.
Feeling like a borrowed dream, living in a borrowed life
She asked herself: “Where am I?”

Zambesc…zambesc pentru simplul fapt ca astazi m-am uitat in urma, am rascolit fotografii si odata cu ele amintiri si zambesc pentru ca sufletul meu a avut puterea sa zambeasca la fiecare dintre ele. Am vazut ochi tristi de copil, am vazut ochi veseli si jucausi, am vazut o inima adolescentina sfaramata in bucatelele pamantului, dar am vazut si privirea de copil indragostit care ma trada atunci, cum ma tradeaza si acum si cum probabil ma va trada o viata intreaga. Si scriind aceste randuri ca reflectie lirica la ceea ce simt, inca zambesc, zambesc trecutului pentru a-i putea rade in fata viitorului si pentru a putea trai clipa. Si sufletul imi zambeste si el a multumire, la multumirea pe care o ofera gandul ca intr-adevar am facut intotdeauna ceea ce mi-am dorit si ca in spatele acelor ochi tristi sau in spatele privirii ametite poate de o bere in plus la 16 ani nu se ascundea nici un regret, la fel cum nu se ascunde nici acum. Sunt mandra, da! Ati auzit bine, sunt mandra ca pot privi in urma fara sa regret NIMIC! Nu as schimba nicio clipa, niciun moment, niciun zambet si nici macar o lacrima. As lasa totul asa cum este, sau cum a fost, pentru ca astazi imi dau seama ca a fost perfect. Am invatat din amintirile desprinse cu drag de pe un format electronic mult prea adaptat mileniului haotic in care traim ca ar trebui sa ma bucur mai mult, sa tanjesc mai putin dupa ceea ce nu am acum, sa rad mai des si sa plang mai rar, sa nu regret acum, pentru ca peste cativa ani, singurul lucru pe care il voi regreta este regretul de azi! Va anunt ca de 10 minute nu imi pot lua zambetul prostesc de pe fata in fata amintirilor mele, in fata experientelor, a copilariei si a adolescentei. Ma bucur ca pot sa ma vad, atat de clar, sa vad cum timpul a trecut, zic eu, cu folos. Sa vad ca am schimbat exact ce imi doream sa schimb si am pastrat acele lucruri pe care nu vreau sa le pierd niciodata din mine. Zambesc acum la poze cu fosti iubiti, cu oameni care la un moment dat au starnit lacrimi pe un obraz poate mult prea tanar, dar la care acum le multumesc pentru ca au contribuit la ceea ce sunt. Zambesc la poze din pesteri, cu amintirea acelei nebunii de weeknd in care tata, da al meu tata, habar nu avea unde am plecat…si nici astazi nu regret ca am facut-o. Amintirea pe care o am astazi a meritat pedeapsa de doua saptamani de izolare . Zambesc la cei 18 ani pe care ii aveam la majorat si la cenusaresele care s-au transformat toate pentru noaptea banchetului de sfarsit de clasa a 12-a. Zambesc la chipurile parintilor, pe fata carora astazi vad un rid in plus si in parul carora pot sa numar ceva mai multe fire albe, asta pentru ca timpul nu uita sa ne aminteasca ca nu sta in loc…si le multumesc. Zambesc la prieteni care acum apar doar in poze, pentru ca drumurile nu ne mai sunt de mult aceleasi, pe care nu i-am vazut de ani si multi ani vor trece pana poate ii voi vedea din nou…dar zambesc cu convingerea ca viata ne va mai aduce macar o data in acelasi loc. Zambesc la ochii mei prea negrii si la bratarile cu prea multe tinte. Zambesc la adolescentul rebel care eram si la femeia convingatoare ce sper ca voi fi. Zambesc pentru ca pot simti si acum, dupa ce timpul si-a tesut coroana peste amintiri, ceea ce am simtit in fiecare din acele momente si imi pare rau ca nu puteti arunca o privire macar in sufletul meu pentru a vedea cata bucurie se ascunde acolo. Va multumesc acum ca am avut cu cine impartasii momente si ca acum am pe cine sa port in amintire, ca ati facut parte din viata mea, ca m-ati iubit, ca m-ati facut sa rad isteric, ca m-ati certat, ca m-ati facut sa zambesc, ca m-ati facut sa plang, ca m-ati ajutat sa trec peste, ca m-ati facut sa dansez si sa cant, ca am invatat impreuna si ce inseamna betia la 16 ani in Vama dar si ce poate insemna o cenusareasa de 20 de ani pe tocuri intr-un loc cochet sau select, ca putem sa privim inapoi impreuna dar cu atat mai mult inainte, ca ati existat sau ca existati in viata mea…pentru toate astea: ma inclin in fata amintirilor, fara de care eu cea de astazi nu ar putea fi!

Realtionship?

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where yo...u started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous